There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
