sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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