Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
