i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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