You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
