She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
