he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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