A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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