Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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