I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
