Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
