I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
