there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
