I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
