You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
