Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just google imaged poop.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
