Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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