I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
