Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
