Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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