im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
