My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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