I hate your face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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