I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just cropdusted the office
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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