She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
