Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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