thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
