Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize