And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize