the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
