I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
