I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.