He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
