Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting