i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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