Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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(248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m

Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (1082)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.

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(507): hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning. http://tfl.nu/ul21

Replies (7) Good night (2270) Bad night (602)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.

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(860): I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes. http://tfl.nu/jq79

Replies (9) Good night (553) Bad night (3516)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

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(810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl

Replies (14) Good night (3924) Bad night (699)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.

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(860): his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate. http://tfl.nu/ds0z

Replies (14) Good night (952) Bad night (5244)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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(479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c

Replies (4) Good night (2858) Bad night (1093)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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(859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju

Replies (24) Good night (12577) Bad night (1578)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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(303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273

Replies (3) Good night (3689) Bad night (1216)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

(773): View more from Illinois

SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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(617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv

Replies (20) Good night (3476) Bad night (821)
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(917): View more from New York City

No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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(917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc

Replies (3) Good night (1584) Bad night (754)
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(916): View more from California

We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate

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(916): We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate http://tfl.nu/nz9m

Replies (6) Good night (1757) Bad night (392)
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(219): View more from Indiana

The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.

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(219): The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover. http://tfl.nu/mbl4

Replies (3) Good night (355) Bad night (831)
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(518): View more from New York

That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.

(315): View more from New York

Who is this?!????

(518): View more from New York

That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.

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(518): That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook. (315): Who is this?!???? (518): That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger. http://tfl.nu/487m

Replies (7) Good night (3215) Bad night (451)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.

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(216): Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months. http://tfl.nu/6lkb

Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (273)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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(860): And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/jid6

Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (449)

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