I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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