Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
