he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
