Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize