she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
