When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
