things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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