Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize