Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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