I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
