How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
