You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
