i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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