did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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