any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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