do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
