Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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