I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
