I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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