Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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