i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
