she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
