I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize