he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
