my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize