i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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