The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
