just survived the first fart of the relationship.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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