I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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