Apparently you make a good broom.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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