I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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