She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
