I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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