You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
