So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
