Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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