Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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