The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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