At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
