3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
