The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
