i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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