Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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