I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was confusing and full of hummus
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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