i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
