this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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