You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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